With Valentine’s Day just round the corner, how do you manage the thorny problem of relationships at work?

Romance at work is widespread – many of us spend a good third of our time at work, so it is not surprising that relationships often develop here.

And it is not all bad! Happy people are more motivated and more productive. Having a partner at work can mean couples have someone who can share the stresses and understand the strains.

But there are potential dangers. Most companies recognise it is unworkable, not to mention draconian, to try and ban interoffice relationships. 

Better to focus on the risks that might arise, such as unwanted romantic attention, relationships between line manager and team member, managing the fallout from a broken relationship, considering how to manage confidentiality concerns. 

Some companies have a specific Relationships policy, which will give guidance around what is appropriate and inappropriate for family relationships, as well as romantic ones. For example, ensuring managers are not involved in the recruitment of a close family member.  This sort of policy can offer clarity on romantic relationships, such as whether the company tolerates relationships between line manager and employee, without it being solely focussed on romantic situations.

A Conflict of interest policy could broach similar issues, without it being seen as an attempt to “ban” relationships.

Relationship breakdowns are one of the trickiest areas to manage, particularly if one of the couple brings a claim of harassment, because of their ex partner’s behaviour at work. In this situation, the employer could be partly liable and needs to take steps to make it clear this is not acceptable behaviour. Your harassment policy will be vital here.

Most of all ensure your managers have confidence to deal with difficult situations arising from inter office relationships. If a couple’s behaviour is leading to problems - which could be anything from flirtatious behaviour making people uncomfortable to the relationship causing distraction and loss of focus for the people involved – then the manager needs to deal with it.

As always, it is these grey areas which often cause managers most angst. Having some guidelines written into a “Behaviour at work” policy and getting managers discussing these situations and how to handle them can go a long way to ensuring they are dealt with before they get out of control.

If you are interested in exploring the whole subject of Managing Appropriate Behaviour at work, come along to our free seminar run in conjunction with Penningtons Solicitors on the 21st Feb. It will be a chance to ask questions on any aspect of behaviour at work and network with like minded professionals.

Look forward to seeing you there!

And have a happy, conflict-free Valentine’s Day!

…‘Our prehistoric banter is not acceptable in a modern world’… the public apology  from Sky Sports presenter Richard Keys having tendered his resignation,  must be resounding around many a workplace this week.  Sky leadership have been united in following the policy line on ‘unacceptable’ behaviour by firing one staff member and accepting the resignation of another -  regardless of their talent , experience or popularity.

But many employers will still remain uncertain as to what constitutes ‘acceptable’ or ‘not acceptable’ in terms of workplace ‘banter’ and therefore hesitant about dealing with it. Acas have 20,000 visits a month to download information from their website on bullying and harassment – a clear indication that managers find this area far from straightforward. And often the waters are muddied by retorts and counter arguments, in this case comments from Gray and Keys that ‘it happens everywhere’; ‘it’s just a bit of banter, a bit of the ‘old boys/ lads / locker-room ’ culture’; ‘ ‘others are in no position to judge’; “apologies have been accepted so no harm done”

But the law is clear - comments about a person’s gender reflecting on their ability to do a job are based on a prejudice not facts. So why do many managers find it so hard to deal with these incidents when they occur?

The Sky incident touches a lot of insecurities about ourselves and work.  Have we ‘lost our sense of humour’? Who wants to be seen as the one who can’t ‘take a joke’?  We want to make friends, be liked, to fit in and we may feel very uncomfortable directly challenging such behaviour for fear of being perceived as having lost our perspective? (I can’t quite bring myself to draw on Katie Hopkins astounding BBC Question Time performance on 27th Jan…)

But look at what has  come to light with the Sky case...once one ‘indiscretion ‘ had been uncovered there were suddenly examples of many more, pointing to a potential culture of sexism within the organisation that had not previously been challenged.

By ‘ignoring’ this behaviour or accepting it as harmless banter, organisations enable this culture to evolve. Sky Sports had clearly not attempted to change or challenge this behaviour and perhaps even endorsed it as part of their public image -until these incidents, (fuelled by easy exposure via social networking) were broadcast?   The fact that these behaviours were ‘never intended to be broadcast’ is a hollow mitigation and implies an element of tolerance, which should be unacceptable in today’s workplace.

Let’s hope the Sky case goes some way towards changing behind-closed-doors behaviour and acts as a wake up call to managers everywhere to deal with inappropriate workplace behaviour.