One of the trickiest parts of any job is having ‘difficult conversations’, whether it be with people we line manage, our own manager, a supplier or a customer. Our anxiety can be such that we employ a whole range of strategies to delay the moment when we have to sit down and talk.

I know that I have been guilty at times of prioritising tasks that are well within my comfort zone, rather than tackle a conversation that I am expecting to be challenging and uncomfortable. Yet in most instances, when I do have that conversation, it has gone much better than I anticipated and there have been positive outcomes. So why is that? Well, it comes down to three key words – preparation, preparation and preparation!

Our anxiety is often about the other person’s possible reaction. Will they get angry? Will they be upset? Will they challenge me?  With team members for example, the issue may well be something that could be taken personally – problems over performance perhaps – and the receiver’s initial response may understandably be emotional and confrontational.

That’s ok. I have realised that the most important thing is for me to be calm, objective and to be able to evidence my concerns. If I have specific relevant examples to support what I have to say, if I have thought through the range of potential responses and how I will deal with them, if I can be clear about the how we can move forward from the issues under discussion, then there is every likelihood that there will be a positive outcome. The key to success is to be as well prepared as I can be.

Whether as a line manager, with suppliers who have let us down or clients who have not delivered their agreed side of the deal, having the confidence to tackle these conversations will earn you greater respect and lead to more productive relationships.
In all cases I have fallen back on those three big words to help me through – preparation, preparation, preparation!

The phone hacking scandal and ongoing fallout has made the issue of trust a hot topic.

While the public’s trust falters in the Police, Media and Government , the UK ‘s workforce is also losing confidence in their senior managers. The latest CIPD employee outlook report says that trust in senior leaders has dropped yet again, from +3 to –1 from the previous quarter.

The CIPD advise that senior and line managers should put more emphasis on communicating effectively to help rebuild trust.  But it can be a challenge to know where to start on a practical level.

Here is one way to build open, honest relationships with everyone you work with, whether your boss, your team members or your colleagues.

Exchanging Expectations.

We all have expectations of others who we work with. But most of us don’t voice them. Then when people don’t live up to our expectations we get frustrated - but is it really their fault?

Discussing an exchange of expectations is a way of setting some solid foundations for your working relationships and creating open and honest communication between you.

The key steps….

1. start by explaining to other person what you would like to do and why and then ensure you both have some thinking time before coming back together to discuss your expectations of each other.
2. Ensure you discuss specific examples of your expectations.  Common expectations are for managers to be “supportive” and for team members to be “loyal” but there are many definitions of these words.  For one person, being supportive may mean wanting recognition for the effort they put in, for another it may mean specifically having time with their manager each week to discuss work related issues. Both are right and if a manager understands the specifics and follows through on them, it can be a great motivator. Similarly, if you want “loyalty” from your team, explain how and give examples to clarify
3. Write down what has been agreed and ensure you each have a copy
4. Set a review date. It is vital that you check in with each other to ensure you are both living up to what you said you would do.  Get and give examples…if you or they can’t give one this should tell you the expectation hasn’t been met.  Better to know sooner rather than later so you can do something about it.
5. Be aware that expectations change and evolve as the relationship or role changes, so it is important to revisit them on a regular basis. Don’t assume anything! 

By spending time taking an interest in your people and giving them an opportunity to be involved in the way they are managed, you will really start to build trust and respect.

Claire McCartney, CIPD Resourcing and Talent Adviser says, “Evidence suggests that where employees benefit from effective communication and feel their views matter, and are taken into account before decisions are made, they are more likely to remain engaged in their work and committed to the organisation.”

Why not start that engagement with an exchange of expectations and let us know what effect it has….

In a recent article in People Management Meredith Belbin talks about his team roles work transcending cultural boundaries and being particularly proud of his work in Russia.

The team roles analysis is something we use a great deal in management development programmes and working with teams in the UK, but had never before taken it abroad. But we recently had the chance to use it with a group of new managers in Russia’s leading recruitment consultancy, Antal.

As part of a modular management development programme, we used Belbin’s  team roles to raise self awareness around different styles of working and create an opportunity for them to explore their make up as a management team, as well as looking at the dynamics of the teams they were managing.

They found the process empowering, coming away with a far greater sense of their own strengths and the contribution they make. They also developed a stronger sense of themselves as a management team, who together with all their combined skills and approaches have a real opportunity to drive the success of the business. It was the first time they had ever used any kind of self analysis like this and were hugely motivated by it.

In a business environment which is often not seen as sophisticated as the European market, using an assessment tool such as Belbin’s team roles worked really well and demonstrated that given the opportunity, Russian managers value diversity and could see the competitive advantage this gives them.

A fascinating piece of work for us and we are looking forward to returning this year to see their progress!

…‘Our prehistoric banter is not acceptable in a modern world’… the public apology  from Sky Sports presenter Richard Keys having tendered his resignation,  must be resounding around many a workplace this week.  Sky leadership have been united in following the policy line on ‘unacceptable’ behaviour by firing one staff member and accepting the resignation of another -  regardless of their talent , experience or popularity.

But many employers will still remain uncertain as to what constitutes ‘acceptable’ or ‘not acceptable’ in terms of workplace ‘banter’ and therefore hesitant about dealing with it. Acas have 20,000 visits a month to download information from their website on bullying and harassment – a clear indication that managers find this area far from straightforward. And often the waters are muddied by retorts and counter arguments, in this case comments from Gray and Keys that ‘it happens everywhere’; ‘it’s just a bit of banter, a bit of the ‘old boys/ lads / locker-room ’ culture’; ‘ ‘others are in no position to judge’; “apologies have been accepted so no harm done”

But the law is clear - comments about a person’s gender reflecting on their ability to do a job are based on a prejudice not facts. So why do many managers find it so hard to deal with these incidents when they occur?

The Sky incident touches a lot of insecurities about ourselves and work.  Have we ‘lost our sense of humour’? Who wants to be seen as the one who can’t ‘take a joke’?  We want to make friends, be liked, to fit in and we may feel very uncomfortable directly challenging such behaviour for fear of being perceived as having lost our perspective? (I can’t quite bring myself to draw on Katie Hopkins astounding BBC Question Time performance on 27th Jan…)

But look at what has  come to light with the Sky case...once one ‘indiscretion ‘ had been uncovered there were suddenly examples of many more, pointing to a potential culture of sexism within the organisation that had not previously been challenged.

By ‘ignoring’ this behaviour or accepting it as harmless banter, organisations enable this culture to evolve. Sky Sports had clearly not attempted to change or challenge this behaviour and perhaps even endorsed it as part of their public image -until these incidents, (fuelled by easy exposure via social networking) were broadcast?   The fact that these behaviours were ‘never intended to be broadcast’ is a hollow mitigation and implies an element of tolerance, which should be unacceptable in today’s workplace.

Let’s hope the Sky case goes some way towards changing behind-closed-doors behaviour and acts as a wake up call to managers everywhere to deal with inappropriate workplace behaviour.

Last week I had a great piece of customer service from my bank… to my great amazement! Like most people, I have come to expect mediocre service from big, faceless call centres and am genuinely surprised when they go the extra mile. But this girl really did pull out all the stops and helped me out of a temporary, but tricky financial situation. So I took her name and attempted to give the bank some positive feedback about her. I failed. Although I had her name I didn’t have the location of the call centre she worked in and it was therefore apparently impossible to track her down. Writing to Head office in the vain hope it might find its way back to her, was the only advice I was offered- despite the fact that team members are apparently awarded bonuses on their customer service!!!

At a time when we are being told that UK employees are amongst the most disengaged in Europe (Hay Consulting – Engagement Matters) it seems bizarre that an organisation would make it so difficult to pass on some praise!

Positive feedback is one of the most powerful ways of motivating staff – research shows time and time again that being recognised and feeling valued is what matters to so many of us at work .. far more than money or status. And yet so many managers either just don’t do it or only offer it when it is a pre cursor to something that isn’t going so well..”you’ve done really well at this, BUT…”

Don’t be like my bank and make it difficult for your people to know when they have done  a good job or put in some great effort. Make it a New year’s resolution to offer unconditional praise to your people (where it is due) and watch the impact it has!